Tong Hua in English

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Whenever someone evaluates something, the evaluator's expectations concerning the evaluated object influence the evaluation, in a way that tends to prove the evaluator's initial hypothesis.

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A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $50.00.

In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $50.00?"

There were giggles and hands were raised.

He said, "I am going to give this $50.00 to one of you but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the $50.00 up.

He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.

"Well, what if I do this?" And he dropped in on the ground and started to crush it with his shoe.

He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?"

Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learnt a very valuable lesson.

No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because of its value. Despite its appearance, it is still worth $50.00."

Just like the $50.00, there will be any times in our lives when we fall, get insulted and are crushed by others or by the circumstances that we go through.

During these times, we feel as though we are worthless.

But remember that no matter what happens, you are not worth any less because of it.

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WHAT WORKS

DONT' OVER-GENERALISE

RECALL the first time when you broke off with someone you were dating?

Did you remember yourself saying: "I will never fall in love again. All women are the same. Never trust anyone who is educated overseas."

This is a classic case of over-generalisation. You make broad and comprehensive conclusions about life, based on a single event or piece of evidence.

For instance, you receive a bad appraisal and you conclude that "all bosses are stupid and unfair".

Cue words that indicate a tendency to over-generalise are "never", "always", "all", "every", "none" and "everybody".

Over-generalisations are couched in absolute terms, giving you no feeling of control - such as "Nobody cares for me", "I always get it wrong", "I will never find a job".

To overcome this tendency, you need to be more flexible. Avoid using absolute words. Instead, use words like "may", "sometimes" and "often".

Also ask yourself: "Where is the evidence for my observation?" Be a good detective or scientist. Search for evidence for and against your observation.

It is highly unlikely that "no one will ever love you" or that "you will never get a job"!

- Dr Raymond Soh

Staff Psychologist, Human Resource and Staff Development

Temasek Polytechnic (senghock@.tp.edu.sg)

The Straits Times : Friday, May 14, 1999

WHEN YOU GET LEMONS, MAKE LEMONADE

HOW many times have we caught ourselves saying: "If only I had a PhD; if only I had the perfect job; if only my boss had promoted me, etc."

When we go through such self-talk, we feel dissatisfied and frustrated. Somehow, we have convinced ourselves that we are incomplete and that there is something out there that can bring us total fulfilment.

So, we go chasing that something. And, when we get it, we find there is another set of "if only".

Pessimists operate from a "lack of" model of themselves - they convince themselves that others, not them, have it all made, and that, if only they have what others have, then, they will be as happy.

This is a guaranteed formula for depression and anxiety. Believe in yourself. That's what optimists do.

Optimists believe that they are good enough and that they have the resources to find solutions. They operate from an "enhancement" (build on) model.

They are successful because they operate from their strengths. You, too, need to believe that "you don't have to have it all in order to enjoy life or be extremely successful".

Life is as good as it gets. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade! Don't miss out on the fun in your job. Ultimately, you are the only person who can make yourself happy in your career.

- Dr Raymond Soh

Staff Psychologist, Human Resource and Staff Development

Temasek Polytechnic (senghock@.tp.edu.sg)

The Straits Times : Wednesday, May 26, 1999

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs!

Gold is not the most precious;
happiness is worth much more.

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs!

Even the Yellow River may become clear someday;
how can a man's lot never improve?

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs!

Do what is right, don't haggle over minor benefits.

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs!

An emperor thinks of a good general when
his country is in danger. A man misses his
virtuous wife when he is in poverty.

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen